Motherhood is a kind of love which empties your mind and body, but in exchange fills your soul.
These boys are my life. I've had nagging back pain since my pregnancy, and some days -a lot of days, it can be really hard to get more than the bare minimum done around here. It isn't crippling or debilitating, just very tiring sometimes.
Dinner is usually simple, and most of the time there's a good amount of creeping filth sweet little dust bunnies and sticky spots on the floors, furniture, and linens. We're often wearing clean clothes though, and no one has gone hungry yet, so at the end of the day, it's alright.
Being a good mom is more important right now than being a good housekeeper.
There will be a day when I don't wipe fingerprints off the oven door, or shake Duplo blocks out of my shoes, and I know I will miss it then.
So here I am. A spottier writer, a less lively conversationalist, and an acutely lacking homemaker, but a thankfully full soul.
I haven't really written lately, because who would want to read about fingerprints on my oven door, jam dried on my fur boots, biscuits turned to confetti beneath our table, or any of the other humble makings of tiny love?
Forcing the days of giggles and kisses and grabbing each other tight to outweigh the ones where my back aches, everyone is pouting, and I have to keep myself out of the bedroom lest I spend two hours there in a sulky nap.
I don't know much about current events -or maybe it's just that I can't remember them- but I am fluent in Pixar quotes. Less poetry and more farting. Body fluids. The toddler's cold which manifests in a phlegmy cough that won't go away.
I am happy this way, in this smelly, silly, comedic mundanity that is raising two boys. Looking past the goofiness and boogers, and seeing two souls in my hands. Looking at the repiling mess (where does it all come from?) as an opportunity to be a servant instead of a defective apostle of Saint Martha Stewart.
I've realized that the people I find most encouraging are the ones who just let you see that they are real, and so I think I'm going to give blogging another shot, to share my experiences with these precious people, and hopefully to see myself growing as a wife, mother, and follower of Christ.
Up next will be Marion's birth story and maybe pictures of things I've made (besides my kids).
That man has done more for me than I can ever thank him for. Tomorrow is his birthday, and when asked what he wants to do, Ridge just tells me that we'll probably go to Brannigan's Pub for a Reuben sandwich, and call it an early night.
But he deserves so much more, because he's simply the best husband to me and father to Sean.
With this pregnancy, every few weeks I seem to go through a cycle of my body inexplicably going into self destruct mode- each morning waking up increasingly tired, achy and grouchy, until I just curl up in bed for days on end, a sobbing, depressed mess.
Last weekend was the worst so far, and after taking care of Sean (and the poopsplosion of the century), Ridge waited until I was ready to come talk to him, and together we figured out what was wrong. It's those crazy pregnant lady dreams. I don't remember any of them, but someone ordered way too many, because apparently they come so plentifully that I never get any REM sleep. So I wake up after eight hours, feeling no more rejuvenated than I did before. It's a very sneaky form of sleep deprivation.
That night, I popped a Unisom tablet, was treated to an incredible shoulder massage, and slept so well that I actually woke up the next morning in time to see Ridge for a little bit before his 5am shift.
Later that morning, thinking about our time chatting over coffee, I sent him a text that read
"You're my favorite reason to get up early!"
His reply was
"You're my favorite reason to live."
Your Mama is really looking forward to meeting you, but the past few weeks have been a bit of a failure in the attitude department.
You see, I've been kind of a grouch, and your Daddy and big brother have unfortunately gotten the brunt of it.
There were a lot of days that Mama was very sore and tired and grumpy. I can be quite vain, and starting to outgrow my favorite clothes made me upset at times. I was finally starting to get some good exercise habits, but suddenly I felt too exhausted, and could only think of curling up for a long sleep.
But that isn't your fault. You're just trying to grow! The doctor says you are healthy, and so far Mama is too, so there really isn't anything to gripe about, now is there?
So I'm making a promise to you today. Mama isn't going to resent one more minute of this special time we have. I'm going to make sure we both get enough rest, and every morning we'll spend some quiet time making sure there is plenty of day for the things that need to be done. I've bought some nice clothes that will fit me while you're still getting ready for the world, and I even have plans to make some, now that I've got a little more energy.
We have plans for some adventures over the summer, and although you won't be able to see what's going on, we'll take pictures to show you later.
Your big brother Sean is a rough and tumble little guy, and he doesn't really know about you yet, but I know that he is going to love it when you arrive!
Your Daddy also is excited that you are coming soon. He talks about you alot, and is sure that you are another boy. Either way, we will find out next month!
I can't wait to meet you in November and hold you close.
As those of you who still might be reading my blog can tell, I've stripped things down around here. I pretty much hate Blogger right now, but not any more than my severe html illiteracy. I've been fighting everything, and since Blogger's last update, the customization has become really difficult for me. Until I either learn more about this, or find someone to help me change it the way I want to, it's going to be a boring white blog.
Instead of wasting more time fussing with appearance, I want to focus more on content. I'm going to try and write more from my heart, as well as maybe start posting some more recipes, and pictures of my latest creative conquests.
I'll wrap up this post, because I'm supposed to be watching a movie with my guys, but I'll write again soon, and post pictures of the skirt I'm making!
This past week, Sean got to enjoy snow for the first time. Last winter, he was too tiny to go sledding, but he certainly has taken to it now!
My boy is getting so big, but I've gotten lazy about taking pictures, so this month, I'm trying to do that more.
Tomorrow, Sean will be 15 months old. I can't believe how quickly this time has gone! He brings so much joy to my life, and is quite the ham. He runs all over our house, and makes us all laugh with his silly dancing.
We spend many peaceful days together, eating our meals, doing chores, (he loves to "help" me sweep) and taking little outings together. A new birth center recently opened right down the road, and we walk there for La Leche League meetings, where I get to visit with other mommies, and he plays with the children.
We are all enjoying life here in town, and visiting the nearby parks is something we continue to do more of.
Ridge is nearing the end of a script that he's been writing, and we enjoy bouncing ideas off each other for that. We celebrated our 2nd anniversary in October, and are happier than ever. I am so thankful for my amazing husband, and the wonderful daddy he has proved to be.
Now that the cold weather has come, I have picked up more sewing, including a custom order for a costume. That has been a lot of fun, and brings back many happy memories of giddy planning of parties.
Speaking of which, I need to sew some trim, but I will try to write again soon, and post more pictures of my little Christmas cherub!